For years, my husband and I packed every lunch (and snack) every school day for three kids. Yes, go ahead and do that math. Basically, it’s a lot of lunches!
Now, my kids are at an age where they are fully capable. And yet, every morning, we were there, assembling sandwiches and sorting snacks, filling water bottles like it was our job.
Then the feedback started rolling in…
“I don’t like this.”
“Why did you pack that snack?”
“Can I have something different?”
At the same time, they were asking for something else. They wanted more responsibility, and they wanted a say. To me, this is a great step in asserting their independence.
So, one evening, one of them said, “We can pack our own lunches. Let us do it.” My husband and I exchanged looks, gave a head nod, and said, “great idea.”
The first week
They were so excited. They even went so far as to pack their lunches the night before, which was more planning than I’d managed some weeks. (No judgment, please.)
We quickly learned what they loved and what they wanted to change. But we didn’t hand over the job and disappear. We set one simple standard: Be sure you include a protein, a fruit or vegetable, and a snack. Oh, and don’t forget your water bottle. Beyond that? Their call.
This is when things shifted. It was their lunch. They were proud of how and what they each packed. The complaints mostly stopped, because it’s hard to complain about a lunch you packed yourself.
We are two months into school, and they are still packing their own lunches, snacks, and water bottles, but no longer the night before. They learned how to manage their time in the morning to get it done. And every so often they ask for some help, which we are happy to oblige.
The honest part
Here’s what I had to admit: We held on to lunch duty for longer than we needed to. Partly because we could do it faster, and partly because it felt like care. It was a small way to show up for them every day. However, we realized that doing it for them was enabling them, and letting go was empowering them.
Will they pack it exactly the way I would? No. No one will ever do it exactly the way you would. And that’s okay. The goal was never a perfect lunch. It is happy kids who eat what they packed. (And empty lunchboxes at the end of the day.)
The same habit shows up at work
At work, it’s easy to fall into the same habit. You know the subject matter, and you think you could probably do it better. So you just… do it. (Thank you, Nike, for the memorable slogan.)
Let’s take a presentation. I don’t need to be the one building every detail of every slide in the presentation. Personally, I like only a few slides, maybe five maximum, with clear messages and recommendations. Rather, I take the time to understand the content and the message, ensure that we have a cohesive storyline for the person receiving it, and that the team is ready. I work with the team to ensure they prepare, rehearse the storyline, and think of potential questions or gaps in what is shared.
When I step back from the details, I make room for my team to lead. They bring fresh ideas, build confidence in the room, and grow into opportunities that are theirs to own. And that makes all of us stronger, me included.
You pack it, I check it
Delegation isn’t about handing something off and hoping for the best. In my house, and on my team, it comes down to three things:
- Listen for the ask. Complaints are often a request for ownership in disguise.
- Set the standard, not the method. Protein, fruit, snack. Storyline, preparation, rehearsal. Then step back.
- Measure the outcome, not the process. Empty lunchboxes. A team that owns the room.
So here’s my challenge for you this week:
Look for the place where you don’t have to do it all. (Because you don’t.) Find your “you pack it, I check it” moment.
What’s one lunch you’re still packing that someone else is ready to pack themselves?
(Next time, I’ll share the flip side: the relationships you should never delegate, and how to deepen them.)
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